Monday, April 20

My week

too much had been going on for the past week. and i had been too busy to log in for updates. now im feeling happy though i have just lost 130 in mahjong. i dont know why. mahjong makes me happy even if i lose the game. so here are the things that kept me busy for the week:

my new stint in dixie's @ mosque street
dixie's is located right next to the infamous cow & coolies ktv pub (aka the rainbow flag pub aka lesbian pub) as shown below:



ive known the boss for 4 years through my ex bf LL. and since i love to drink and sing. and instead of spending money indulging in all these hobbies. i might as well earn as i drink and sing. topping that. i am jobless now so an extra income will definitely be more than welcome. the boss generously accepted my offer to help at a very non-exactly-generous rate which as according to him is subject-to-increment.

what sort of customers do you get there?
let me try to classify them. well it's a pretty good mix of (not in any order):
1. middle aged married-yet-lonely PMEBs in desperate need of attention from SYTs like us waitresses.
2. lesbians who came over when cow and coolies get too crowded.
3. regulars who occupy the whole bar so they can sing more songs.
4. avid pool players who bet a range of $10-50 per game.
5. cheapos who come in for cheap drinks @ $17/jug during happy hours and $20/jug after that.
6. retired old men who comes in for 6 hours drinking only 2 mugs of beer as they got nothing better to do at home.
7. lost tourists.
8. ang moh men/tourist looking for some kinky fun (we have filipinos working too).
9. regular dvd peddlers.

i have nothing against the lesbians as i simply love girls sometimes (half the time actually) too. but the bunch that comes to dixie's are to be categorized as one of those simply think they are the damn stylo-almighty-no-one-can-ever-do-without-or-be-better. they think they owe the place just because some losers keep opening free bottles of martell and chivas for them. they sashay into the bar area and start manipulating with the order of song dedications. of cos to their advantage. skipping other table's turn.

they are one of the rudest and impolite lesbians i have ever met. SHAME ON YOU! coming from a history of being one myself. i am proud i aint like them less those times that i get drunk. but at least even when i am drunk. i am just BITCHY not RUDE. they have no sense of dressing. their choice of partners were world's greatest mysteries. they eat peanuts and litter the entire floor beneath their seats and tables. and they act atas. giving specific orders of how to prepare their martells and chivas. like they paid for it eh. they order you around. they dont smile back when you try to make eye contact. they are simply incorrigible + horrible = inhorrigible! dont like that. will make a mental note not to work on fridays cos of them.

sinus operation got postphoned
my frontal sinus is badly infected and needs some surgical procedures to correct it. dr stephen lee is my specialist in charge and also my surgeon for this endoscopic sinus surgery . so now you all know who to look for if anything happens to me after my operation.

my agent from aia just called me two days ago to inform me that if i undergo my operation now. i might not be able to get the full claim as the health shield that i have just upgraded myself only kicks in after june 1st. hence unless i can guarantee that my daily professional + ward fees dont exceed 1700 in order to be 100% covered. i'd better postphone my operation.

i havent called the specialist yet. i think they will hate me. cos this will be the second time i am postphoning my operation. the first was when i realised BF had to go to jakarta and will not be back in time for my op. then i postphoned it a week later. so he can see me out of my operation when he touches down singapore. but now. fingers crossed. hope the nice anijah will not curse and swear at me.

and im sad that my 2d1n "hotel" accommodation @ raffles hospital is postphoned. was so looking forward to their meals and my daily hospital income. boo hoo hoo.

mahjong session @ strathmore avenue blk 48 level 21
its been a long time since i last mahjonged. the last was at effy's. where i won 100+ if i havent remembered wrongly.

a bored sun
day drove me to jio my new friend JL and effy to mahjong. 1800hr was the time the battle started. i think my luck was fully utilized during my last session. my first round ended in damage of 120. second round was worse. damage increased to 160. the third. fourth. fifth and sixth round. all remained the same.

despite my desperate attempt in changing positions. changing seats. shifting the tables. i still lost a total of 130. opponents were too strong and i firmly believe that the fengshui in that apartment did the owner good. placing me in a disadvantage. my max combo hit was only 5 folds. and after that everytime when my formation was at its peak. someone has to win with the minimum fold. either that. or i got too greedy and lost the chance to win. or. someone has to win at the maximum fold when my tiles were all over the place. general luck must be sick tonite. and my allied party effy managed to win 60.

hence. after the gruelling 12 hours of battle. i lost. but i was not the worst. the worst opponent was dealt with a total damage of 220. though i believe that when her bf was playing for her in the first 2 rounds. they were in fact winning.

despite the fact that i lost the battle. i kinda felt happier. it is a wonder the feelings mj brings to me. i love the game to the max even though i am always the losing party. its the process of going through it. knowing your opponents better. trying to better guess their moves. preventing higher loss. minimizing damages. thrilling. exciting. euphoric. orgasmic. simply indescribable.

however i really do need to take a break from my mj battles. my M health isnt looking so good nowadays. need to find something else to curb the itch. effy promised me blading though along the ghim moh-ulu pandan stretch. so looking forward!

total damage:
taxi fare to battle ground - $10
damage from battle mj - $130
taxi back from battle ground - $10
consolation for losing the battle - $4.50

Thursday, April 16

he's gone

bf left for jakarta. when he is back i will be on the operation table curing my sinus problem.

it had been a long and eventful week. misunderstandings. quarrels. break ups. tears. disappointments. all in just 4 days. cant wait for this week to pass me by soon.

not in a good mood to blog. like to blog when i am feeling happier. till then. hopefully you will hear from me soon!

Sunday, April 12

finally its working

finally my dearest baby helped me put my music up and playing! ENJOY!

thanks effy baby!

Edith Piaf - Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien!

enjoy and hope you find the same strength in this song as i did.

Non ! Rien de rien (No, nothing of nothing)
Non ! Je ne regrette rien 
(No! I don't feel sorry about nothing)
Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait 
(Not the good things people have done to me)
Ni le mal tout ça m'est bien égal! 
(Not the bad things, it's all the same to me)

Non ! Rien de rien 
(No, nothing of nothing)
Non ! Je ne regrette rien 
(No! I don't feel sorry about nothing)
C'est payé, balayé, oublié 
(It's paid for, removed, forgotten) 
Je me fous du passé! 
(I'm happy of the past)

Avec mes souvenirs 
(With my memories)
J'ai allumé le feu 
(I lit up the fire)
Mes chagrins, mes plaisirs 
(My troubles, my pleasures)
Je n'ai plus besoin d'eux! 
(I don't need them anymore)

Balayées les amours 
(Broomed away my love stories)
Et tous leurs trémolos 
(And all their tremble)
Balayés pour toujours 
(Broomed away for always)
Je repars à zéro 
(I start again from zero)

Non ! Rien de rien 
(No, nothing of nothing)
Non ! Je ne regrette rien 
(No! I don't feel sorry about nothing)
Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait 
(Not the good things people have done to me)
Ni le mal tout ça m'est bien égal! 
(Not the bad things, it's all the same to me)

Non ! Rien de rien 
(No, nothing of nothing)
Non ! Je ne regrette rien 
(No! I don't feel sorry about nothing)
Car ma vie, car mes joies 
(Because my life, my joys)
Aujourd'hui, ça commence avec toi 
(Today, they begin with you)

ecp... HERE I COME!!! LOOK OUT

ive decided. ECP HERE I COME!

will try to bring back pictures ok? hopefully i will bum into some hum-sum man!!! 

ooo heros saving damsel in distress. *giggles

now this has really gotten me all excited. till then... GOOD MORNING SINGAPORE!

sleepless at 935am


its 935am. rocher and coco had their breakfast. rocher had his morning insulin jab. mum prepare her misen plas for ah pa's anni prayers. she is surfing the net now in the room prolly checking out her facebook account. big head's still soundly asleep. 

and me? im stil sitting in the same position with my legs crossed in front of my big head's mac. hair as messy. cigarettes litted in one hand. camwhoring with the other. and sleepless for the past 24hours. ya. kua dio gwee especially without my make up nor accessories to zhng. im as pale as a vampire quoted from my mum.  can still remember i was at upper thomson having my delicious dim sum breakfast 12 hours ago. oh yes. a little consolation. 


me mum made me a nice sandwich and a super-gao-siew-dai earl grey tea for breakfast. it's actually her leftovers which im pretty sure she'll let rocher gobbler it down if i werent around. my darling boy is actually still eyeing the precious ham and cheese double sandwich left on the table as seen below. super tam jia!




i had kept myself busy spying facebooks and blogs. somehow im glad i did it. it glad me some peace of mind after reading about so much. im glad i did what i did. but that's till tomorrow when i will expect to receive some sorta aftermath. till then god bless this emotion weakling.

i have this sudden impulse of going to ecp to blade. i miss blading. but at my current state. i'd either end up in a&e with my head cracked from fall, or i will be accompanying the poor victim from my fall. i'd rather the latter eh. 

i miss blading with effy. she makes good confident. gossiper. and my news post on latest updates of my other group of friends. she is unbiased and she gives me the best advice. 

now it's 1015am. what shall i do? bf is now at the store selling yong tau hu. which i was supposed to help out but cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances aka him flying me aeroplane yet again. or prolly i should go grab some sleep. choices.....




hum-sum suit

watched handsome suit today. 

not as funny as compared to DMC. but still a good show afterall. very colourful. vibrant. and the characters are all so out of the world. 

its a typical story of beauty and beast. beast thinks no one will love him cos he is god forbiddingly fugly. beauty thinks all the dickheads are after her for her looks only. beauty fell in love with beast long time ago after beast showed compassion to her hungry father. beast fell in love with beauty for she's the first female who is kind to him. yada yada and after all the raa raas. they both ended up together.

the gist of the story: 
1) all forms of relationship should not be built on whatever's on the surface. it'll be too shallow. look skin deep and find real love. 

2) be appreciative of what you have. there will always be finer things out there. one must be self contended. 

3) send me one of those shit IMMEDIATELY. i dont mind living like paris hilton as long as i get all my kate spade, guccis, chanels and lvs.

HUM SUM SUIT aka Handsome Suit - the way it was pronounced (prolly jack neo can come up with the SG version - HUM SUP SUIT)

the grand finale

i have always wanted to write you this letter. but each time i try. i quit. i think i am ready now. and this is my truest for you.

it has been very hard to visit the pubs for the past months. none of them sing any better than you. the way you would send me weak to my knees worshiping you. none of them can play 5 5 5 better than you though you always lose me. and yes i miss hearing you shouting "shi fu" and feeding my ego and pride so buey-gam-waning! none of them can appraise my singing and use the jargons so aptly. no one understood my voice, my genre more than you do. no one appreciates the songs i learn from xing guang as much as you do. and no one. NO ONE sings guang dao so gam-ly with me the way you do. i always thought we were a perfect couple whenever we sing that song.

remember you promised to be my strategist if i ever join superstar? i still hold you to that promise. and i will half my winnings. yes i remember. dont sing "ai yo ai yo ai yo..." the first round. not "sometimes love just aint enough" either. and will definitely leave my "april 5th 1969" to the last few rounds.

i no longer go to the east side. too much reminds me of you. anything near geylang makes me nostalgically emotional. i remember da-baoing you tiao and dou jiang for aunty sharon for her house's gathering. i miss supper drinking with ur sis and marcus opp the mask. my heart always feel the pinch whenever i pass by JK though i know they have already closed down. the recent news about geylang serai reminds me of my weekly grocceries shopping with nana, when im alone. whenever i am on PIE, i'll stretch my neck and try spotting your house from the lanes between the factories. er5b415. i still remember our abbreviations. ecp seems so much like a taboo now for me. its hard.

i still dream of GZQ. not as often. but enough. glad to have had that with you before. and i will treat my next one doubly nice. with doubly tons of love. and hope you'll remember GZQ too.

i miss the sofa i placed. i miss decorating your rooms with all sorts of funny stuff. i miss forcing you to name all the figurines and start placing them in your car, and demanding that i am half your car's owner just because i chose it too. i miss the crazy drinkings. card playings. endless smoking in your room. and yes. somehow i miss seeing you pee outta your window.

all your funny antics. all the smiles i get when i see you driving in to pick me up. all the bebebebebebebebes. all the "bebe will you pass the the dustbin please" with my puppy eyes and act cute voice. all the endless chang beer grabbing in giant. all the checking out the cheapest grab by comparing contents vs price. and not forgetting the sukiyaki, shabu shabu, dory fish fillets. and you are sure the first person i ever bought soy sauce in the biggest container ever!

from your TW to Lapin Bunny. we have walked a long way. i can still remember how happy i felt whenever i hear your TWs alarm go off. knowing you're home. or those times i wave you goodbye and watch you ride safely out of the carpark after lunching at home. or sending my flying kisses to you from your window and seeing you kiss me back. i miss preparing meals for you. and seeing you enjoying the food. and i always look forward to you having a second helping of rice cos its an indication that my dishes are tasty.

its funny how many things we have done the past year we have been together. all in just the span of a year. while being in it. everything seem so long. days seem like years. but now. whenever i think of it. i still feel sourness in my throat and tears in my eyes. but in addition to that. i smile.

i will always miss having someone to know me so well that so many things can be left unsaid and understood. and i will miss knowing someone so well. inside out. its not easy to know someone that well. especially when it makes it easier to know when they are lying when not. but i will miss it. for it's the most beautiful thing that have happened in our short span together.

i know you are happy now. and i will be happy too. we will be friends eventually. but just probably not now.

i miss you bebe. take care. and live well!


love,
bebe

halves

im officially jobless and a bummer. its always nice.

i cant seem to hold on to my job. its either i cant stand the boss or the other way round less my stint at ritz.

now im just looking forward to my new phase in nie. hopefully i get that welcome letter from ntu. am praying damn hard! and i realise i should stop blogging about men. ha. they are a real chore. lemme try blogging about life. lies. and truths.

Wednesday, April 8

my half truths

after the usual routine of hugs and kisses. i helped him with his usual light luggage. i have already began to wonder the nationality of the man im dating. we headed to our usual dinner place. ordered the usual feast. he must have spotted my unusual quietness and indifference.

"is there anything wrong babe? you looked troubled"

"is this gonna be what it'll be for the next 6 months to 2 years? you spending 3/4 time not around, and when i start my school, it'll be even more impossible for us to meet isn't it?"

he just gave me his usual silent nod of agreement, this time, his concerned look. he must have felt how this is draining me away.

"i am starting to fear us drifting away. that you will no longer be a part of my life. that i cant confide in you, whine to you, talk to you. im beginning to fear that you will no longer know what is going on in my life. and i fear i will no longer be a part of your life too. i can see you drowning yourself in your work. and you'll unknowingly forget that i need some attention too. i dont know how will things work. i tried to troubleshoot. but i find no solution. i dont know what to do."

he gave me another silent nod, which i took as an indication to carry on.

"you told me before if i ever have to go abroad to study or work. you would end this relationship for you know distance drains a relationship. instead of hanging on to a thin thread, might as well let it go. isnt it the same now? you're there and im here. you fly back as and when the next minute you're gone. even when we are spending time together, your minds all about your work, your colleagues and the troubles they are in. what about me? i cant force you to call or write to me routinely daily at the same hour. i dont want forced communication. but not communicating. we drift away. tell me what to do?"

"trust babe, we run this by trust."

so it seems. the conversation was headed for nowhere. he understands the problems, and he knows there aint no solution to them. he clearly knows that neither of us bears to let this go just like that, but the void is left in me is getting way too much for me to bear and handle.

"but you know babe. career over relationship. that's my priority. i can let my relationship fail. not my career. not now."

with that. i forced back my tears and swallowed the bitterness. what more can i say to a problem without a solution.

after dinner we sat in the cafe for his usual dose of coffee. he got busy with his iphone checking for emails, shares and his what nots. quietly sitting opposite him, i stared blankly into the her world magazine as my mind drifted into the darkest corners of my heart. ...
...
...
...

"you done?" the familiar voice smacked me out of my thoughts and brought me back to reality. i hastily placed back my magazine into its original place and hurriedly picked up my bags. i swear i have flustered written all over my face.

"i bet it must have been another touchy mushy feature story in her world again. you havent flipped the page for the past 15mins and your eyes are red."

"oh. ya. uh huh" and we walked towards the taxi. he caught me well off guard. dangerous.

Tuesday, April 7

finally once again

there are just too much our little hearts can keep. i vowed never to get my secrets written nor documented. but the overwhelming dark secrets that i buried in the darkest corners of my heart starts poisoning all my goodness.

half truths. sometimes its better to work the grey matter and to look at my secrets through the many angles and perceptions possible. prolly this is just my only way of protecting me truths, disguising them as falsified.

till im back from a much dreaded date.