the grand finale

i have always wanted to write you this letter. but each time i try. i quit. i think i am ready now. and this is my truest for you.

it has been very hard to visit the pubs for the past months. none of them sing any better than you. the way you would send me weak to my knees worshiping you. none of them can play 5 5 5 better than you though you always lose me. and yes i miss hearing you shouting "shi fu" and feeding my ego and pride so buey-gam-waning! none of them can appraise my singing and use the jargons so aptly. no one understood my voice, my genre more than you do. no one appreciates the songs i learn from xing guang as much as you do. and no one. NO ONE sings guang dao so gam-ly with me the way you do. i always thought we were a perfect couple whenever we sing that song.

remember you promised to be my strategist if i ever join superstar? i still hold you to that promise. and i will half my winnings. yes i remember. dont sing "ai yo ai yo ai yo..." the first round. not "sometimes love just aint enough" either. and will definitely leave my "april 5th 1969" to the last few rounds.

i no longer go to the east side. too much reminds me of you. anything near geylang makes me nostalgically emotional. i remember da-baoing you tiao and dou jiang for aunty sharon for her house's gathering. i miss supper drinking with ur sis and marcus opp the mask. my heart always feel the pinch whenever i pass by JK though i know they have already closed down. the recent news about geylang serai reminds me of my weekly grocceries shopping with nana, when im alone. whenever i am on PIE, i'll stretch my neck and try spotting your house from the lanes between the factories. er5b415. i still remember our abbreviations. ecp seems so much like a taboo now for me. its hard.

i still dream of GZQ. not as often. but enough. glad to have had that with you before. and i will treat my next one doubly nice. with doubly tons of love. and hope you'll remember GZQ too.

i miss the sofa i placed. i miss decorating your rooms with all sorts of funny stuff. i miss forcing you to name all the figurines and start placing them in your car, and demanding that i am half your car's owner just because i chose it too. i miss the crazy drinkings. card playings. endless smoking in your room. and yes. somehow i miss seeing you pee outta your window.

all your funny antics. all the smiles i get when i see you driving in to pick me up. all the bebebebebebebebes. all the "bebe will you pass the the dustbin please" with my puppy eyes and act cute voice. all the endless chang beer grabbing in giant. all the checking out the cheapest grab by comparing contents vs price. and not forgetting the sukiyaki, shabu shabu, dory fish fillets. and you are sure the first person i ever bought soy sauce in the biggest container ever!

from your TW to Lapin Bunny. we have walked a long way. i can still remember how happy i felt whenever i hear your TWs alarm go off. knowing you're home. or those times i wave you goodbye and watch you ride safely out of the carpark after lunching at home. or sending my flying kisses to you from your window and seeing you kiss me back. i miss preparing meals for you. and seeing you enjoying the food. and i always look forward to you having a second helping of rice cos its an indication that my dishes are tasty.

its funny how many things we have done the past year we have been together. all in just the span of a year. while being in it. everything seem so long. days seem like years. but now. whenever i think of it. i still feel sourness in my throat and tears in my eyes. but in addition to that. i smile.

i will always miss having someone to know me so well that so many things can be left unsaid and understood. and i will miss knowing someone so well. inside out. its not easy to know someone that well. especially when it makes it easier to know when they are lying when not. but i will miss it. for it's the most beautiful thing that have happened in our short span together.

i know you are happy now. and i will be happy too. we will be friends eventually. but just probably not now.

i miss you bebe. take care. and live well!


love,
bebe