Flabbergastedly Bimbo Me

i miss you

2011-10-14T14:16:00.000+08:00

please call me. you have my number. i know you'll still remember my blog.

or am i supposed to wait for you at 4th everyday?

Last Words to 2010

2010-12-31T15:29:00.004+08:00

Dear 2010,

Season's Greetings from me!

The reason why im writing you this letter is to inform you that you've been a real bitch to me this year. you crippled me. and then made me go through a terrible time. forced me to walk through a divorce and get cussed at in a school. you tainted my reputation and made me a social butterfly. you. in 364 days. made me put on tons of weight. you got everyone around me married but not me. you got me drunk crying all the time. and you. you brought me down real low. made me celebrate my bday, xmas and the coming ny eve alone for the first time.

it was also you. who made me see the importance of family and friends. you made me appreciate their support in times of needs and in return making me be there for them too. you took me through so many companions to finally realize what i really needed from men. you woke me up with my denial and forced reality to me.

i thank you. so to honour you. i decided to make soem drastic changes to my life.

before you leave me for good. i will

1) desert my best friend of 13 years and leave him/her for good. goodbye viceroy blast. you've been with me through all my thicks and thin. you were there for me when my breathe was smelly, when im crapping, when i was crying, when i was sad and lonely. i have to leave you behind. im sorry. thank you for all your loyalty. i will miss you.

2) hello klc. and my two spinster bosses. i will try to learn to love you. really.

3) get my degree started. that means i will have to scrimp and save. no more shopping. restaurants. and weekly expenditure to be kept within 50. good god.

2010, you've not been the best for me. but you're the only one who've impacted me so much.

Goodbye, au revior, adieus!

Rest in Peace 2010.

p/s: can you please tell your friend, 2011, to be kinder to racqueen, effy, me and the people around me?

thank you. your kind understanding and prompt action will be much appreciated.

best regards,
bimbo

Be gone, 2010!

2010-12-30T12:41:00.003+08:00

on the 2nd last day of 2010, i reckon i should do a personal summary of my year.

this year hasnt been a fruitful year, though i have to admit some major changes were made.

first and foremost. my extended family met my bf for the first time. then. shortly after. we broke up.

my status changed from being engaged to single.

i stopped working. too shattered to do anything. and at the same time. racqueen started her divorce drama. so while being jobless. i became her 'legal consultant cum PA cum aunt agony'. as much agony as i was in, i somehow sought comfort knowing that im not the only one that's screwed up. there goes this saying, '9 out of 10 people around you will be gloating over your worries as they are happy to know someone else is far worse than they are.' not sure if im gloating over it, but i definitely benefited a lot from being by her side.

racqueen and i grew closer. so that's number three on the list. relationship with cousin became more like a sisters' bond.

four. i learnt how to prepare for my future divorce. not that im planning for it. but you know, just in case. the necessary charges to file under, necessary documentations to prepare, the the SOP proceedings. i think i cna represent myself in future if i ever need to end a marriage.

fifth on the list. brother got married. to a vietnamnese. not sure how i feel about it. mixed feelings. just wished that he's more sensible to plan ahead instead of relying on mother to be the sole provider. tsk tsk.

sixth. i began dating a number of random men. my 2010 is filled with companions. but none of which let me want them so badly to make them mine.

seventh. got myself a job. got myself rejected by boucheron. and got myself two old spinsters as my bosses. go figure.

eighth. i moved out. shifted and started my full independence. im still loving and enjoying it while also struggling to cope with the increase in expenditures.

ninth. i took up dragonboating again in my desperate attempt to stay healthy and fit. so far, it's just been 2 sessions.

tenth. hmm. realised at the end of the day. im really happier alone. love can be such a nuisance when you're the only one clapping.

last, but not least. eleventh. this one is really heart wrenching and the thought of it brings tears to my eyes. my darling companion for the past 11 years. rocher. my darling rocher left us. spare the details. my only consolation from it was. he waited till im home. and he chose to drift away in my arms. till now. i still have him in my heart. he's like constantly there with me. though i really miss playing tug-of-war with him. miss abusing him and trapping him under the sheets. i miss sleeping with my rocher. farewell rocher. farewell!

that's all for now. :) can't wait for 2011 to start. i havent had a fulfilling year for a long time...

agenda for the past year

2010-05-11T01:16:00.003+08:00

i have forgotten about this blog, until a new friend reminded me of it.

read through my past posts. and i have to say it was a different me back then. pretty much the same yvonne you will see. but deep inside. its never the same again.

so. as i have been absent from here for almsot a year. i have a listful of things to update.

1) farewell, rocher
2) he be gone
3) the aftermath of active searching
4) spouses
5) friends
6) me, myself and yvonne

shall start writing soon. not now though. my brain isnt working yet.

My New Life

2010-03-03T00:14:00.000+08:00

i've moved out. and moved on hopefully.

this was a painful decision. i hate to be separated from family but i hope this is for the better.

have i moved on? im trying to. i cant deny that i am still jaded from GT. he failed his promises and our dreams. this month had been particularly tough for me. new job. new place. new life. and a marriage promise failed.

i dont think i am ready for any commitments now. i just need a good company. i just need someone to snuggle with me when im lonely. someone to touch and caress me when im feeling lousy. someone to return to after a f-ed day at work. but i dont want to report to anyone my whereabouts. i dont want anyone to report to me their whereabouts. i dont want emotional blackmails. i dont wanna pin and hope for anyone. i just want myself to be loved by me, and those random people.

it took a lot of me to start blogging. let alone writing my old diary. the last post i had of my diary was when GT was with me at amara sentosa. the post ended with "i love my baby so". yes i sent him a 'miss you' email this 10th. cos i was feeling sad with the broken promise. he replied with a long, yet cold and unfeeling email.

that's it. isnt it? when a relationship fails. one cries. the other one glories. i hope i can be the one glorifying it. any advice?

Dating Tips 2

2009-06-03T21:21:00.002+08:00

Dating Tips No. 2 - Looking into your eyes is fine. Staring at your chest is OUT.

dont you just hate it when the men just can't take their eyes off your chest no matter how high or how low your cleavage is? i think this is self explanatory for all female readers. it is NOT a compliment to be stared and oogled at. it is just plain rude and disgusting and you are emitting a huge signal that you are so so deprived and needy. enough said. go ponder.

Dating Tips

2009-06-02T00:27:00.003+08:00

Dating Tips No.1 - NEVER date a man whose maturity is younger than yours (aka small boys).

effy, bananana and i were casually chatting in holland v one day. and we were talking about the men around us. of all that we talked about. younger men are kinda like the worst.

check out effy's blog on her take on younger men. my stand on them? here it goes:

Ego
they do not have the man-man ego. they try to have it. just like the way they get angry when some passerby takes a second glance at their prized possesion aka gf and then stare back at them trying to pick a fight or what. or those times when they get pissed when some other girls win them in some guessing game and they end up drinking. or when they lose a big time in mahjong.

however when it comes to paying. if you initiate to pay. they will just keep their wallets and thank you with a smile. and this happens like almost ALL THE TIME. its not that guys should pay all the time. but isnt "not footing bils" a benefit that only WOMEN are SOLELY ENTITLED TO? taxi fares are either dutch or outta the female's coach/gucci/lv wallet. presents are aplenty with a good mix of soft toys, mini perfumes of unknown brand, etc. but of no value or worth. nope. not even near brands like coach, mphosis, let alone LV or Gucci. it's nice to receive surprises. but surprises are surprises. presents are presents. boys just dont get it.

Maturity
they are experts when it comes to long long grandmama stories. or life theories. but all's nothing when they stick out their tongue and show you a neh-ni-neh-ni-poo-poo when they broke their promise and do something against your wish. enough said.

Zi-Dong-ness (Initiative/Understanding)
no. they are super buey zi dong. when you offer something to give to them outta your own pocket, to their own benefit, they will agree at the very next second. they won't reject in politeness. NEVER. and they often take it for granted.

they won't understand that you are pissed. that you are having your monthly swings. that you are a woman. they just wants things their way. and they think that all's possible.

the list goes on. but that's all i can think of after my very full marche dinner with family. now the crepes and seafood are swimming in my stomach. topping that. im constipated. my ass hurts.

My week

2009-04-20T06:09:00.005+08:00

too much had been going on for the past week. and i had been too busy to log in for updates. now im feeling happy though i have just lost 130 in mahjong. i dont know why. mahjong makes me happy even if i lose the game. so here are the things that kept me busy for the week:

my new stint in dixie's @ mosque street
dixie's is located right next to the infamous cow & coolies ktv pub (aka the rainbow flag pub aka lesbian pub) as shown below:

ive known the boss for 4 years through my ex bf LL. and since i love to drink and sing. and instead of spending money indulging in all these hobbies. i might as well earn as i drink and sing. topping that. i am jobless now so an extra income will definitely be more than welcome. the boss generously accepted my offer to help at a very non-exactly-generous rate which as according to him is subject-to-increment.

what sort of customers do you get there?
let me try to classify them. well it's a pretty good mix of (not in any order):
1. middle aged married-yet-lonely PMEBs in desperate need of attention from SYTs like us waitresses.
2. lesbians who came over when cow and coolies get too crowded.
3. regulars who occupy the whole bar so they can sing more songs.
4. avid pool players who bet a range of $10-50 per game.
5. cheapos who come in for cheap drinks @ $17/jug during happy hours and $20/jug after that.
6. retired old men who comes in for 6 hours drinking only 2 mugs of beer as they got nothing better to do at home.
7. lost tourists.
8. ang moh men/tourist looking for some kinky fun (we have filipinos working too).
9. regular dvd peddlers.

i have nothing against the lesbians as i simply love girls sometimes (half the time actually) too. but the bunch that comes to dixie's are to be categorized as one of those simply think they are the damn stylo-almighty-no-one-can-ever-do-without-or-be-better. they think they owe the place just because some losers keep opening free bottles of martell and chivas for them. they sashay into the bar area and start manipulating with the order of song dedications. of cos to their advantage. skipping other table's turn.

they are one of the rudest and impolite lesbians i have ever met. SHAME ON YOU! coming from a history of being one myself. i am proud i aint like them less those times that i get drunk. but at least even when i am drunk. i am just BITCHY not RUDE. they have no sense of dressing. their choice of partners were world's greatest mysteries. they eat peanuts and litter the entire floor beneath their seats and tables. and they act atas. giving specific orders of how to prepare their martells and chivas. like they paid for it eh. they order you around. they dont smile back when you try to make eye contact. they are simply incorrigible + horrible = inhorrigible! dont like that. will make a mental note not to work on fridays cos of them.

sinus operation got postphoned
my frontal sinus is badly infected and needs some surgical procedures to correct it. dr stephen lee is my specialist in charge and also my surgeon for this endoscopic sinus surgery . so now you all know who to look for if anything happens to me after my operation.

my agent from aia just called me two days ago to inform me that if i undergo my operation now. i might not be able to get the full claim as the health shield that i have just upgraded myself only kicks in after june 1st. hence unless i can guarantee that my daily professional + ward fees dont exceed 1700 in order to be 100% covered. i'd better postphone my operation.

i havent called the specialist yet. i think they will hate me. cos this will be the second time i am postphoning my operation. the first was when i realised BF had to go to jakarta and will not be back in time for my op. then i postphoned it a week later. so he can see me out of my operation when he touches down singapore. but now. fingers crossed. hope the nice anijah will not curse and swear at me.

and im sad that my 2d1n "hotel" accommodation @ raffles hospital is postphoned. was so looking forward to their meals and my daily hospital income. boo hoo hoo.

mahjong session @ strathmore avenue blk 48 level 21
its been a long time since i last mahjonged. the last was at effy's. where i won 100+ if i havent remembered wrongly.

a bored sunday drove me to jio my new friend JL and effy to mahjong. 1800hr was the time the battle started. i think my luck was fully utilized during my last session. my first round ended in damage of 120. second round was worse. damage increased to 160. the third. fourth. fifth and sixth round. all remained the same.

despite my desperate attempt in changing positions. changing seats. shifting the tables. i still lost a total of 130. opponents were too strong and i firmly believe that the fengshui in that apartment did the owner good. placing me in a disadvantage. my max combo hit was only 5 folds. and after that everytime when my formation was at its peak. someone has to win with the minimum fold. either that. or i got too greedy and lost the chance to win. or. someone has to win at the maximum fold when my tiles were all over the place. general luck must be sick tonite. and my allied party effy managed to win 60.

hence. after the gruelling 12 hours of battle. i lost. but i was not the worst. the worst opponent was dealt with a total damage of 220. though i believe that when her bf was playing for her in the first 2 rounds. they were in fact winning.

despite the fact that i lost the battle. i kinda felt happier. it is a wonder the feelings mj brings to me. i love the game to the max even though i am always the losing party. its the process of going through it. knowing your opponents better. trying to better guess their moves. preventing higher loss. minimizing damages. thrilling. exciting. euphoric. orgasmic. simply indescribable.

however i really do need to take a break from my mj battles. my M health isnt looking so good nowadays. need to find something else to curb the itch. effy promised me blading though along the ghim moh-ulu pandan stretch. so looking forward!

total damage:
taxi fare to battle ground - $10
damage from battle mj - $130
taxi back from battle ground - $10
consolation for losing the battle - $4.50

he's gone

2009-04-16T12:25:00.003+08:00

bf left for jakarta. when he is back i will be on the operation table curing my sinus problem.

it had been a long and eventful week. misunderstandings. quarrels. break ups. tears. disappointments. all in just 4 days. cant wait for this week to pass me by soon.

not in a good mood to blog. like to blog when i am feeling happier. till then. hopefully you will hear from me soon!

finally its working

2009-04-12T14:48:00.001+08:00

finally my dearest baby helped me put my music up and playing! ENJOY!

thanks effy baby!

Edith Piaf - Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien!

2009-04-12T11:04:00.008+08:00

enjoy and hope you find the same strength in this song as i did.

Non ! Rien de rien (No, nothing of nothing)
Non ! Je ne regrette rien (No! I don't feel sorry about nothing)
Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait (Not the good things people have done to me)
Ni le mal tout ça m'est bien égal! (Not the bad things, it's all the same to me)

Non ! Rien de rien (No, nothing of nothing)
Non ! Je ne regrette rien (No! I don't feel sorry about nothing)
C'est payé, balayé, oublié (It's paid for, removed, forgotten)
Je me fous du passé! (I'm happy of the past)

Avec mes souvenirs (With my memories)
J'ai allumé le feu (I lit up the fire)
Mes chagrins, mes plaisirs (My troubles, my pleasures)
Je n'ai plus besoin d'eux! (I don't need them anymore)

Balayées les amours (Broomed away my love stories)
Et tous leurs trémolos (And all their tremble)
Balayés pour toujours (Broomed away for always)
Je repars à zéro (I start again from zero)

Non ! Rien de rien (No, nothing of nothing)
Non ! Je ne regrette rien (No! I don't feel sorry about nothing)
Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait (Not the good things people have done to me)
Ni le mal tout ça m'est bien égal! (Not the bad things, it's all the same to me)

Non ! Rien de rien (No, nothing of nothing)
Non ! Je ne regrette rien (No! I don't feel sorry about nothing)
Car ma vie, car mes joies (Because my life, my joys)
Aujourd'hui, ça commence avec toi (Today, they begin with you)

ecp... HERE I COME!!! LOOK OUT

2009-04-12T10:14:00.000+08:00

ive decided. ECP HERE I COME!

will try to bring back pictures ok? hopefully i will bum into some hum-sum man!!!

ooo heros saving damsel in distress. *giggles

now this has really gotten me all excited. till then... GOOD MORNING SINGAPORE!

sleepless at 935am

2009-04-12T09:35:00.000+08:00

its 935am. rocher and coco had their breakfast. rocher had his morning insulin jab. mum prepare her misen plas for ah pa's anni prayers. she is surfing the net now in the room prolly checking out her facebook account. big head's still soundly asleep.

and me? im stil sitting in the same position with my legs crossed in front of my big head's mac. hair as messy. cigarettes litted in one hand. camwhoring with the other. and sleepless for the past 24hours. ya. kua dio gwee especially without my make up nor accessories to zhng. im as pale as a vampire quoted from my mum. can still remember i was at upper thomson having my delicious dim sum breakfast 12 hours ago. oh yes. a little consolation.

me mum made me a nice sandwich and a super-gao-siew-dai earl grey tea for breakfast. it's actually her leftovers which im pretty sure she'll let rocher gobbler it down if i werent around. my darling boy is actually still eyeing the precious ham and cheese double sandwich left on the table as seen below. super tam jia!

i had kept myself busy spying facebooks and blogs. somehow im glad i did it. it glad me some peace of mind after reading about so much. im glad i did what i did. but that's till tomorrow when i will expect to receive some sorta aftermath. till then god bless this emotion weakling.

i have this sudden impulse of going to ecp to blade. i miss blading. but at my current state. i'd either end up in a&e with my head cracked from fall, or i will be accompanying the poor victim from my fall. i'd rather the latter eh.

i miss blading with effy. she makes good confident. gossiper. and my news post on latest updates of my other group of friends. she is unbiased and she gives me the best advice.

now it's 1015am. what shall i do? bf is now at the store selling yong tau hu. which i was supposed to help out but cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances aka him flying me aeroplane yet again. or prolly i should go grab some sleep. choices.....

hum-sum suit

2009-04-12T05:01:00.000+08:00

watched handsome suit today.

not as funny as compared to DMC. but still a good show afterall. very colourful. vibrant. and the characters are all so out of the world.

its a typical story of beauty and beast. beast thinks no one will love him cos he is god forbiddingly fugly. beauty thinks all the dickheads are after her for her looks only. beauty fell in love with beast long time ago after beast showed compassion to her hungry father. beast fell in love with beauty for she's the first female who is kind to him. yada yada and after all the raa raas. they both ended up together.

the gist of the story:

1) all forms of relationship should not be built on whatever's on the surface. it'll be too shallow. look skin deep and find real love.

2) be appreciative of what you have. there will always be finer things out there. one must be self contended.

3) send me one of those shit IMMEDIATELY. i dont mind living like paris hilton as long as i get all my kate spade, guccis, chanels and lvs.

HUM SUM SUIT aka Handsome Suit - the way it was pronounced (prolly jack neo can come up with the SG version - HUM SUP SUIT)

the grand finale

2009-04-12T02:12:00.002+08:00

i have always wanted to write you this letter. but each time i try. i quit. i think i am ready now. and this is my truest for you.

it has been very hard to visit the pubs for the past months. none of them sing any better than you. the way you would send me weak to my knees worshiping you. none of them can play 5 5 5 better than you though you always lose me. and yes i miss hearing you shouting "shi fu" and feeding my ego and pride so buey-gam-waning! none of them can appraise my singing and use the jargons so aptly. no one understood my voice, my genre more than you do. no one appreciates the songs i learn from xing guang as much as you do. and no one. NO ONE sings guang dao so gam-ly with me the way you do. i always thought we were a perfect couple whenever we sing that song.

remember you promised to be my strategist if i ever join superstar? i still hold you to that promise. and i will half my winnings. yes i remember. dont sing "ai yo ai yo ai yo..." the first round. not "sometimes love just aint enough" either. and will definitely leave my "april 5th 1969" to the last few rounds.

i no longer go to the east side. too much reminds me of you. anything near geylang makes me nostalgically emotional. i remember da-baoing you tiao and dou jiang for aunty sharon for her house's gathering. i miss supper drinking with ur sis and marcus opp the mask. my heart always feel the pinch whenever i pass by JK though i know they have already closed down. the recent news about geylang serai reminds me of my weekly grocceries shopping with nana, when im alone. whenever i am on PIE, i'll stretch my neck and try spotting your house from the lanes between the factories. er5b415. i still remember our abbreviations. ecp seems so much like a taboo now for me. its hard.

i still dream of GZQ. not as often. but enough. glad to have had that with you before. and i will treat my next one doubly nice. with doubly tons of love. and hope you'll remember GZQ too.

i miss the sofa i placed. i miss decorating your rooms with all sorts of funny stuff. i miss forcing you to name all the figurines and start placing them in your car, and demanding that i am half your car's owner just because i chose it too. i miss the crazy drinkings. card playings. endless smoking in your room. and yes. somehow i miss seeing you pee outta your window.

all your funny antics. all the smiles i get when i see you driving in to pick me up. all the bebebebebebebebes. all the "bebe will you pass the the dustbin please" with my puppy eyes and act cute voice. all the endless chang beer grabbing in giant. all the checking out the cheapest grab by comparing contents vs price. and not forgetting the sukiyaki, shabu shabu, dory fish fillets. and you are sure the first person i ever bought soy sauce in the biggest container ever!

from your TW to Lapin Bunny. we have walked a long way. i can still remember how happy i felt whenever i hear your TWs alarm go off. knowing you're home. or those times i wave you goodbye and watch you ride safely out of the carpark after lunching at home. or sending my flying kisses to you from your window and seeing you kiss me back. i miss preparing meals for you. and seeing you enjoying the food. and i always look forward to you having a second helping of rice cos its an indication that my dishes are tasty.

its funny how many things we have done the past year we have been together. all in just the span of a year. while being in it. everything seem so long. days seem like years. but now. whenever i think of it. i still feel sourness in my throat and tears in my eyes. but in addition to that. i smile.

i will always miss having someone to know me so well that so many things can be left unsaid and understood. and i will miss knowing someone so well. inside out. its not easy to know someone that well. especially when it makes it easier to know when they are lying when not. but i will miss it. for it's the most beautiful thing that have happened in our short span together.

i know you are happy now. and i will be happy too. we will be friends eventually. but just probably not now.

i miss you bebe. take care. and live well!

love,
bebe

halves

2009-04-12T02:09:00.000+08:00

im officially jobless and a bummer. its always nice.

i cant seem to hold on to my job. its either i cant stand the boss or the other way round less my stint at ritz.

now im just looking forward to my new phase in nie. hopefully i get that welcome letter from ntu. am praying damn hard! and i realise i should stop blogging about men. ha. they are a real chore. lemme try blogging about life. lies. and truths.

my half truths

2009-04-08T00:04:00.001+08:00

after the usual routine of hugs and kisses. i helped him with his usual light luggage. i have already began to wonder the nationality of the man im dating. we headed to our usual dinner place. ordered the usual feast. he must have spotted my unusual quietness and indifference.

"is there anything wrong babe? you looked troubled"

"is this gonna be what it'll be for the next 6 months to 2 years? you spending 3/4 time not around, and when i start my school, it'll be even more impossible for us to meet isn't it?"

he just gave me his usual silent nod of agreement, this time, his concerned look. he must have felt how this is draining me away.

"i am starting to fear us drifting away. that you will no longer be a part of my life. that i cant confide in you, whine to you, talk to you. im beginning to fear that you will no longer know what is going on in my life. and i fear i will no longer be a part of your life too. i can see you drowning yourself in your work. and you'll unknowingly forget that i need some attention too. i dont know how will things work. i tried to troubleshoot. but i find no solution. i dont know what to do."

he gave me another silent nod, which i took as an indication to carry on.

"you told me before if i ever have to go abroad to study or work. you would end this relationship for you know distance drains a relationship. instead of hanging on to a thin thread, might as well let it go. isnt it the same now? you're there and im here. you fly back as and when the next minute you're gone. even when we are spending time together, your minds all about your work, your colleagues and the troubles they are in. what about me? i cant force you to call or write to me routinely daily at the same hour. i dont want forced communication. but not communicating. we drift away. tell me what to do?"

"trust babe, we run this by trust."

so it seems. the conversation was headed for nowhere. he understands the problems, and he knows there aint no solution to them. he clearly knows that neither of us bears to let this go just like that, but the void is left in me is getting way too much for me to bear and handle.

"but you know babe. career over relationship. that's my priority. i can let my relationship fail. not my career. not now."

with that. i forced back my tears and swallowed the bitterness. what more can i say to a problem without a solution.

after dinner we sat in the cafe for his usual dose of coffee. he got busy with his iphone checking for emails, shares and his what nots. quietly sitting opposite him, i stared blankly into the her world magazine as my mind drifted into the darkest corners of my heart. ...
...
...
...

"you done?" the familiar voice smacked me out of my thoughts and brought me back to reality. i hastily placed back my magazine into its original place and hurriedly picked up my bags. i swear i have flustered written all over my face.

"i bet it must have been another touchy mushy feature story in her world again. you havent flipped the page for the past 15mins and your eyes are red."

"oh. ya. uh huh" and we walked towards the taxi. he caught me well off guard. dangerous.

finally once again

2009-04-07T18:38:00.000+08:00

there are just too much our little hearts can keep. i vowed never to get my secrets written nor documented. but the overwhelming dark secrets that i buried in the darkest corners of my heart starts poisoning all my goodness.

half truths. sometimes its better to work the grey matter and to look at my secrets through the many angles and perceptions possible. prolly this is just my only way of protecting me truths, disguising them as falsified.

till im back from a much dreaded date.